i would punch a child for taco bell
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
