do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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