she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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