Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
