If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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