What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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