OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
