Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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