I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
