The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Randomize
