Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
