We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
