I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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