god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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