Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
false alarm, still single
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
