Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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