everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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