She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
