i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
