I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
