So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
