Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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