I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
