ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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