When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So much rum. So many feels.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
