I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
