i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
