I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm like, not good at living.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
