The best revenge is premature balding
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
