I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
