He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
