This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
