I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
