she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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