If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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