if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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