I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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