Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
