how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
