Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
