How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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