also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
