and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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