I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
this boner is exhausting
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
