she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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