My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I skipped work to stalk him.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
