god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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