Is it normal to miss your booty call?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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