Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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