I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
