god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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