Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
