So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
