His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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