i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
