fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
