Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
