Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
