I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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